Mixed Mind...

Sometimes I do have happy toughts about her.......laughing with her...walking with her....staring at each other eyes....well,those things are fun!!Not to be boasting,usually I'm confident in everything I do and think......but...about me and her.....I just don't get it....I'm having a bad feeling that it's not gonna work....I admit,I'm afraid it won't work...I tried to just throw away that fear.....and anxiousness......but,it just won't go away.....

It all started when her dad came in the story....she did mention that her cousin got married with a foreign girl,and her dad commented a lot...I'm afraid that her dad won't accept me...as we are both from different religions....but for us...we don't mind at all.....cause we both know that we are human,and we have the same feelings for each other-Love....love has no limits....

Her mom and dad loves her,but I think they just don't understand her(no offence ok bb....jz my stupid opinion..)They are thinking bout things tat are best for her,but they never think bout her!Its like forcing air into a balloon.....and  someday that balloon is just gonna burst.....I wish and hope and pray tat my gal doesn't "burst"...

I don't know why I'm typing and posting this...my mind is just full of toooooo many conflicts......99.9% is all cause of only 1 person,my gal.....that 1% left is just my personal stupid and crazy toughts.....and mostly toughts about her,right now is....worried,afraid and sad.......I just hope that I was born as a chinese...and the story will be so damn easier!!!!!I'm just part chinese,so its kinda like no use......

P/s:BB.....if u get mad at me readin at this stuff....u cn choose what u wana do 2 me....i'll accept anythin....anythin from hell to heaven....

Juz A Day....

I woke up,straight away carried my guitar,placed it on my laps,and started my day with a song.Then my mom came in,asking me to help her dry the clothes.The sun was  really mad that time.My skin was feeling as tough there's hot coal placed on my skin.Hanging up the clothes as fast as I could,I ran into my house and dipped my head in the water tub.

How refreshing was the coolness of the water.I helped my mom to cook lunch,siakap fish soup and fried salmon.(God...I love food...but,surely it can't compare the love to my gal ~)Eating while having a nice chat with my mom,I realise that tomorrow by that time,I would be thinking of her,nearly 100feet above the ground.I online for some moment,listening to songs,and after I've done,bored online-ing,I played hockey for a while.

Another bath,then I watched Pakistan vs Malaysia Hockey.(Pakistan won over Malaysia with a 2-0 victory.....Pakistan....wonderful play...great scoops...)Then I went dinner with my family.Came back and helped my dad to transfer some of the sand in front of my house.Then,slowly I went to him and asked if I could online.Well,his usual answer,"no" came out from his mouth.Then I kinda like argued with him,and of a suprise(more to a shock),I won that arguement,but I can only online for an hour.

Receiving an message from my gal saying she'll online 9.45 made me smile until my ears.Waiting,patiently and happily,finally she onlined.I chat,and chat,and chat.I was so glad that she and I finally onlined the same time.But she and I weren't so free to chat.Her mom was so near to her,and my dad was just meters away from me.I didn't care about my dad,I just focus on my chatting with my gal~

Suddenly my dad stood up,asking me to offline.I said my last words to my gal,she,like always,told me to have a safe journey(such a caring gf..isk3...)So,I offlined.That time,if my heart had a face,it would be smiling.So,I entered my room,packing my stuff for my Sabah trip tomorrow.But,then,I couldn't sleep.So I slowly went out of my room,and online again,silently,without anyone knowing about that except me.

BB....Ich liebe dich,je t'aime,i ngrá leat,dangsin-eul salanghabnida,Watashi wa anata o aishite,eu te amo~
(for more info....visit any translation website la k~~)

24th November 2010.......360 degree turn....

I was expecting for a normal day.12 something,my mom came blasting into my door."Ling!!!The bank is gona close!!!Wake up!!!".I moved my body slowly,forcing my ribs,and went and took my bath.After my kinda painful bath,I followed my mom to the bank and dropped by at Giant to by somethings for my cousins at Sabah.(My mom said wana just give my sis old watch...change battery enough....but,waiting for that old man at the shop to change the battery.....we had to wait for almost an hour....)I visited the book store,searching for Breaking Dawn,but they don't sell Breaking Dawn there(damn shop....)

So,after finish shopping at Giant,my mom drived to Leno to buy some things for my aunt and granma.I told my mom I wanted to go to another book shop nearby my house,so we went there,but still no Breaking Dawn(crap..)I came back,packed my bags for my 20 day Sabah trip,played guitar for awhile,took my bath.After my bath,I continued with my guitar.Then my mom asked my help in preparing dinner.I ate dinner while thinking bout her.(Well,actually I was thinking about her bfore I actually tought about my "broken" ribs")I asked my dad whether I can online or not,he said sternly and firmly "no".I've actually got a feeling that he knows I've got a gf,but he doesn't know who that person is,thats why he dare not take any further actions.So,I tried to online without him knowing,but,unfortunately.....i got caught.(He's fast...)

I was kinda hurt cause I can't chat with my gal for almost a week.So I sms with Suz,and Suz said that my gal is gona call me.I was like "WTH????" and that time I was still eating leftovers from dinner(My mom calls me "tong sampah" cause I eat almost anything..)My heart was pounding as tough I've just finish a 100 meter run.Suddenly,my house phone rang.I tought she was going to call my cellphone.My dad answered her call.I was nervous,really nervous.My dad knocked my room door and said that the phone call is for me(of course I know that).So I walked to the phone,with my mouth full of sausage.Her voice....its was the sweetest sound that I've heard since I last went to school.It sounded so cute!!I wish my dad wasn't behind me so that I could tell all everything I wanted to tell,but,hearing her voice was enough.

After talking on the phone,as my gal and I expected,my dad "interviewed" me.I just answered all his questions with her voice still echoing in my ear...and that echo entering my head.....vibrating my skull..making my heart shatter in happiness.After answering all his questions,I could see that there is still a unsatisfied look in his face,but I just ignored that.I was to happy.All my sadness just went away in 1 second when I heard her voice.Before entering my bed room,I said good night to my dad,and he said with a weird smile on his face "I'm watching u Ling".I turned around,entered my room,continue sms-ing with Suz abit,wrote my diary,and had a wonderful trip to dreamland.........

Still Another Day.....

Woke up damn early.....9.am....to damn early for me.My mom called and asked me to email her something.I wit my sleepy face,went and brush my teeth,n I realised that my face,was totally different.I think its because I was missing someone that time.So,I went n email that thing my mom wanted,and after dealing with that,I log into my Facebook.At first,I ws bored,people came disturbing me,so,I decided to offline for a moment.Then,I online again,posting something on my status.Then my bb's friend came and commented on my status.She said that my bb would online 10pm.I was like,so,so happy that time!!!I took my lunch,and took a short nap cause I woke up "early".Waking up and going for my hockey practice,I realise that my leg was kinda like,painful.So I told my coach that I wana just sit aside and observe the game.After some time,I told myself that I can play,and I played.Totally focusing on the game,first time in my life I scored 5 goals(wow..),unfortunately,I didn't think about my bb during the game at all!(sori bb..)and I got her in my mind exactly during warming down.On my way back home,the radio was playing Taylor Swift,Mine.That song really remind me of her.I tried to stop myself from smiling in the backseat alone or my mom will be thinking I'm crazy.Bath as usual,tought my dad was gona follow us for dinner,waited for 30 minutes,then he called saying that he had taken his dinner(wth....).So I went for dinner,came back around 9pm,played my guitar,checked my cellphone,and I saw 1 message,and its from my bb!!!She said she's online now.I tried my best to online,as fast as I could.My dad was asking to many questions.I answered all of them forcefully.Then when I finally online,she was online too!!!!!I was kinda like happy that time,chatted with her for around like 10 minutes,and she said that she had to offline......my heart,I felt that it was no longer near my chest....it went down until my large intestine.....chatted with suz for awhile,then she went offline....then I went offline....with "painful" eyes......

bored..bored......damn bored....all of a sudden,OMG!!!!

I was expecting a normal day.Woke up kinda early today,11a.m.(considered early for me).First thing I did was check my cellphone for a message from her,but,no.So,kinda frustrated,I went and took my bath,and played hockey a little.Then I ate my lunch while online-ing Facebook,hoping for her to online to,but,as I tought,nah....she didn't online.So I logged off my Facebook account and went for my hockey practice.Hockey didn't went that well either.Normally I just think of her after my coach says "Take 5" or "Okay boys!Enough for today" but today,I tought of her every...single....moment.....until well,a ball came n hit my ribs...."half breaking" it.I snap to after that ball hit my poor ribs.Scored 1 goal and after ending tat practice,I proceed with my warming down while the tought of her came into my head one-by-one.Waited for my mom to come pick me up,I sat alone at the bus stop half aware of whats actually happening around me.After some while,my mom came and we went to dinner."Fighting" over where to go for dinner,we finally decided to just eat at a road side stall.I,without standing my lust to just send her 1 sms,did so.Waited until I finished my meal,but no reply.Went back home and took my bath,checked my cellphone,but still no.Then I just did what I really liked to do,online my Facebook account.After 3 hours of waiting,she replied,saying something,that made me,kinda emotional.She said that I can't SMS her 4 the following weeks,and if there's anything I need to tell,just tell through Facebook,but,I'll be going somewhere rural for my holidays,and,no internet there.So whats the point.I just ignored that message,ignored my feelings,ignored my emotions,and just type this post..........I regret sending her that message in the first place.....her reply was really an "OMG".....

my day...

20th November,2010..

As usual,I woke up real damn late,12 p.m.Checking my cellphone for a message or two from her,but unfortunately,none.I try to hide my feelings of missing her and wanting her message by,well,what I do all the time,eat my lunch,watch some animes,when I got bored,I had some appointment with my guitar,and when I got bored of the guitar,I switched into watching Twilight.Watching and waiting,just for one message,even one message can make the difference in my head,soul and heart that time,but as time passed,still no message.Then my dad told me to cut d overgrown grass behind my lawn.Thinking of her while facing those grasses,my neighbour behind my house,Edward came and had some chit-chat with me.We both talked about hockey and other sports as he was an ex-athlete and I'm like,considered an athlete,but a bad one.Talking with tat old man and still thinking about her,making me feel more depressed with his cigarette smokes floating across my face,I decided to go and bath.Its weird when you can't feel the warmness of the heated water on your body.After bathing,I checked my cell phone,but still no message,so,I decided to take the risk and message her myself.But,for some reasons,she can't continue messaging with me.So,with a,kinda like bad mood,I just slept to make time fly as fast as possible.My dad knocked my room door and asked me to "enjoy" my dinner.Eating as fast as I could,I started drawing somethings after "enjoying".Hours passed and I could finally online my Facebook,hoping for her to online to.Then I saw her status "why why why?!!!!! u on whn i off, u off whn i on?!!!".That status was posted 5p.m.,and that time,I was "chatting" with grasses behind my lawn.I regretted like hell for not cutting the grass faster,but,like people say, "the ship has sailed",we can't go back to time.So,I just continue online-ing,chatted with some friends,and finally,11 something,I was chatting with Suz,my gal's....well,kinda like best friend.We chat and chat and chat,then,suddenly,something unexpected happened,after 9 years,finally,some kind of water called "tears" came rolling out of my eyes for no REASON.It came out all off a sudden,rolling unstoppably,maybe thats what happens after 9 years not crying.I had to go to bed.Even when I closed my eyes,those tears still came out.Ignoring the pain in my both eyes and in my throat,i just closed my eyes,and slept.That was my day....

Wats In My Mind.......

U asked if u were pretty , I said no,

U asked if u were fat , I said yes of coz,

U asked if I wanted 2 be wit u 4eva, I said no,

U asked if  I would cry if u walked away , I said no

U heard 2 much , n need 2 leave, n as u walked away,

I grabbed ur arm n told u 2 stay , n i said

Ur x pretty baby , ur cute ~

D only ting fat n big bout u is ur heart ~

I dun wana b wit u 4eva , I NEED 2 be wit u 4eva ~

N baby...I'll nvr cry if u walked away.....

Instead I wud jz die.......

tis is 4 my special sumone~

hup u like it~ 

MUACKZZ!!!!